ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
