I just saw a hot homeless man
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
