the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
