I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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