I hate all girls vehemently.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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