I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
