I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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