I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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