you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were trust falling into bushes
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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