we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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