you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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