That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
