i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
