I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
