Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize