Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
