my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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