If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
