i already hear my dad disowning me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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