someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.