So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
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legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door