okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi