sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just forgot I was standing up.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.