If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
