You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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