She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
