I wish my penis had an off switch
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
