So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
