i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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