dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
