why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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