Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
