he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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