i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
