It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
