she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
