He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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