my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
