It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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