That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
