I cannot find my penis.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
