i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she told me i tasted like america
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
