He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
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He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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