ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So. Much. Porn.
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