Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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