i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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