Me. At least after what I've been through.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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