Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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