This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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