god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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