Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I currently don't understand fingers.
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