Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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