We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
