sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
