Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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