So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
