I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
