so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
