ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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