He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
