You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize