I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
