the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
