its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
that is very illegal...i love you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
