The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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