she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
