Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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