good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
