Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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