Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
