the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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