It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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