areolas are like halos for boobs.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
