i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
