I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Two words: nipple clamps
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