My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize