My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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