I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
