How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
