playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
