Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
