u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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