Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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